another day without you!

Tuesday 13-9-2011 09:30 a.m

Now you have your break and I know very good you have been looking at your mobile phone if "maybe" there is an sms... Not anymore
You wish not to get sms's and phone calls but deep inside of you, you realy want it.
The "musts" are standing against your heart and your will.
I know it's even more difficult for you to set an end to this story and might be more painful to you than me.
I'm all the time thinking, thinking,and thinking but I don't come to a concrete solution.Feelings are coming and going overflooding my heart and soul. I cannot erase this feelings from one day to another. You managed to conquer my heart and you managed with 100 % success to leave your mark there. Now how am I supposed to let all this and try to be "friends"? I'm very realistic and down to earth and solutions as let's take it day by day DO NOT WORK for me.
I needed your loving more than anything in this world and that day that when I had the need of you, you took a big knife and twisted it deep inside of me.I have been forgiving you cause I love you so much... cause I can't have any other feelings for you but only pure love. It's just that sometimes truth looks like a lie and reality isn't real, that it's a bad dream and if i'll wake up all will be fine....
Unfortunately it's real... and I have to accept it. No matter how much I love you and what I feel for you I have to protect my self. Cause once again I don't pay attention to myself and how much harm i can cause to him... Do i deserve to be treated like this? This is the 3rd time you doing this to me and I won't allow another one no matter what my feelings are for you....
No matter how much I think of you, no matter if you are my world and the love of my life this moment I feel so fragile... Who's keeping an eye on me?
NO ONE.... this cannot go on...
betrayed, used and hurt it will take a long time to recover...
Life goes on... hope you'll be happy with your decision and won't regret for it.Cause then it will be too late.