your mail

Vas

The blog ... What a specious way of expressing feelings and thoughts ...

I've just read all 53 posts on the blog ... and have tears and cried, because there I've experienced so much heartfelt stuff: Joy and love, but unfortunately also pain, so much pain over and over again - and that all because of the very difficult time you're going through now.
You say in there that I've asked you several times to forgive you for the pain I've caused you and that I've told you that I'm sorry for hurting you - You said that I don't have to tell you every time that I'm sorry, but I can't help it than to say it now again: I AM SOOO SORRY for all this pain I've caused you and still cause you.

In the blog I experienced highs and lows from you over the past 2 weeks (due to the electricity cut we had I couldn't read it earlier) - but one post that hit me right between the eyes is where you stated that unfortunately you have this bittersweet taste of me - Oh gosh .... Tears ... tears ... You also said that you feel used by me - and last week I also heard that from your mouth when we talked on the phone - :(
I can't explain in words just how sad I am by this thought ... and it's not your fault, plz .... I caused this pain that both of us are facing at the moment.

Oh, dear God ... we can't handle this on our own ... We truly need Your guidance ... Father, You know that I heard the calling from the Holy Spirit to make right which has been wrong, since me and Vas are both married and we have to be faithful in body, soul, mind and spirit.

Vas, once again TY so much for the wonderful times we shared - If it wasn't the case that we are married, I would have long ago bought a ticket to go and meet you in real. Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars ... Baie baie dankie vir jou wonderlike menswees. Baie dankie vir jou opregte omgee, jou daarwees, jou wonderlike hart wat net gee en gee en gee en gee en niks terug verwag nie. TY for your wonderful being - TY so much for your the wonderful way you care, that you were there for me during every kind of situation, TY for your wonderful heart that just gives and gives and gives and gives and never expect something back. Jy is soooo baie spesiaal! You are soooooooo extremely specious!

I thought it might be just helpful if we don't make contact in any way for at least 2 weeks - To see each other online, having calls and sms, ... it just make it difficult seeing each other - and it also put us in temptation to tell each other again how we feel and what we feel.
You said in the blog that it comes down to break communication. This is so freaking hard to type now - but somehow we have to get through this and it doesn't make it easier if we "meet" on the ways we used to - That is just extending the hurtful process and trying to start to heal. I also think it gives us "hope" that we can go on like before ...

The blog also refer to me still wanting to be your friend, and you said that you can't be my friend, it just doesn't work for you like that - I know you wrote that in another very hurtful moment, but I don't want to lose your friendship, Vas.

I feel so extremely lonely, sad, pain, emptiness after writing all this now - I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry ...
Loving you, Vas .. isn't wrong, but loving you while both of us are married .... that's not right in God's eyes, because then I'm not faithful in every aspect of my marriage.

I pray that the bittersweetness you have regarding me will soon be away ...

I also pray that we both will heal from this, although it will take time ... People that shared what we shared, can't just forget about it ...

Till later, my extremely sweet friend